Men Dealing With a Miscarriage - What To Do & How To Support Her

A miscarriage can be a very traumatizing event for both mothers and fathers. Miscarriage for men brings about feelings of distress and helplessness that can leave men feeling lost and uncertain about dealing with emotions. 

You will likely grapple with a flurry of difficult emotions that you may be unwilling to explore or talk about. Fortunately, healing isn’t impossible, and we’re here to share some of our actionable strategies for how you can effectively deal with a miscarriage. 

Read on to learn more about what to do during a miscarriage and how you can best support your spouse or significant other during this emotionally trying time. 

1. Allow Yourself To Feel What You’re Feeling

Whether it’s anger, sorrow, or guilt, your feelings after a miscarriage matter. For this reason, it’s essential for you to feel your emotions and acknowledge them. 

Contrary to what you may have heard about men and miscarriages, there’s nothing wrong with any emotion you experience following a miscarriage. Allow yourself to go through every emotion and feel free to take your time.

As you process every feeling or emotion, withhold any self-judgment. The fact that you’re feeling the way you’re feeling is a sign of your emotional involvement in your role as a father. 

You won’t be less of a man by feeling what you’re feeling after you’ve lost your child. By recognizing your emotions and allowing yourself to experience them, you’ll be taking the first steps toward healing. 

2. Remember That Everyone Copes Differently

Everyone is different and responds to loss and traumatic events differently. Some can cope by surrounding themselves with people or immersing themselves in hobbies. Other dads prefer to give themselves space from other people. 

Any coping style is fine as long as it’s not self-destructive. During this trying time, one of the most important things to do is recognize that you don’t have to cope the way other people do. Also, you must determine which coping style works best for you, stick to it, and make adjustments along the healing journey. 

3. Avoid Judgement and Criticism

Anger is one of the emotions you can experience after a miscarriage. During bouts of anger, two actions can occur: judgment and criticism. 

Judgment and criticism can be self-directed or directed at your partner. Whatever the case may be, avoid criticizing yourself or your spouse for how the miscarriage is being processed. 

Once again, everyone copes differently. Most importantly, judging yourself and your partner won’t alleviate your grief and will strain your relationship — two things you don’t want during this emotionally difficult time. 

4. Practice Empathy

We hear about empathy a lot. However, how do you become empathetic to your partner following a miscarriage? 

There are many ways to practice empathy, but we have found that putting yourself in your spouse’s or partner’s shoes works. 

By doing this, you’ll have some insight into how your spouse processes the miscarriage. As a result, you’ll be less likely to judge or criticize your spouse or partner for how they are processing the traumatic event. 

Besides seeing things through your partner’s perspective, you can also be empathetic by being supportive. Showing support involves creating a positive environment for your spouse and providing a listening ear. Simply being there for your partner can also do wonders for the healing process. 

5. Don’t “Fix” What Your Partner Is Feeling

Trying to make your partner feel better (while well-meant) can backfire. Because your significant other is going through different emotions, offering any unsolicited advice and ways to eliminate those emotions won’t help. At worst, your attempts to alleviate your spouse’s feelings may be taken as dismissive.

It’s normal for men to try to solve problems. However, after a miscarriage, the best thing to do would be to simply be there for your spouse. 

Being around for your spouse or partner may not seem like much. Yet, you’ll be amazed at how far this goes in the grieving and healing process. 

6. Remember: Nobody Is To Blame

One of the most common actions in situations involving men and miscarriage is blame. After a miscarriage, men tend to assign blame to various factors, whether it’s the physician, the hospital, or some other party or factor. 

Doing this is counterproductive to the healing process. Always remember that a miscarriage is just one of those events nobody could have seen coming. Trying to attribute the event to a person or some uncontrollable factor will not help you or your partner move on. 

7. You’re Not Alone

After a miscarriage, you may find it challenging to express your feelings. This is why seeking support is key to dealing with a miscarriage.  

One source of support you can turn to is a trusted friend. If not, you can also seek out groups. 

Support groups are safe spaces that can help you express your feelings. These groups can also help you process difficult emotions. Perhaps the most important benefit of joining support groups is the reassurance that you’re not alone in your journey to healing. 

Key Takeaway: Healing and Talking Go Hand in Hand

The key to dealing with a miscarriage isn’t to alleviate or eliminate your or your partner’s feelings. As a father, you can best deal with the challenging emotions following a miscarriage by talking about the experience with a loved one or a support group.

Opening up about what you’re dealing with can give you some form of release. This will help you process your emotions better and be empathetic to your spouse or partner. 

There are many support groups for men and miscarriage. At Dad University, we recommend Miscarriage For Men. 

Miscarriage For Men is a support network that helps husbands and fathers go through the grieving process following a miscarriage. It gives users access to resources ranging from blogs to support forums. 

Check out Miscarriage For Men, and take your first steps to lasting healing today. 

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